2 years

Replaying all week, and all day.....replaying memories....the good, the bad, the funny, the heartbreaking. 2 years ago today, my world was turned upside down. It has been 730 days since I last looked into Greg's eyes, hugged and kissed him and said goodbye. We thought we were about to spend just a few days apart, and then our life together was really going to begin. We were stepping into a new phase together and couldn't have ever imagined all that was ahead being ripped away.

In loosing him, I felt that I lost all of myself. My life was far from perfection, but with him by my side I couldn't imagine being happier or any more sure about anything in my life. I told Greg once that my feelings for him were so overwhelming that sometimes didn't know how to handle it. That's typical me, building that wall to stay strong and avoid vulnerability. But Greg forced that wall down. In looking into his eyes I understood that those feelings were new and unknown to me, because i knew I was falling in love. Have you ever felt your heart break? I mean a true heart ache, where you hurt so badly that your heart physically feels pain? I never could have understood, until I felt love and lost love. Greg and I went through so much to get to a time when we could finally be together, and I will never be able to understand why we were only given a brief moment in life. Now I stand with those same overwhelming feelings- but it is unbearable feelings of sadness.

I am not going to say that two years later I am not "better" than I was (whatever that means). I am working everyday to open my eyes and accept the goodness I have in my life. Greg was always pushing me to do better, and encouraging me when I was being my own worst enemy. All he wanted for me was happiness. He brought that to me a thousand times over during our time together and I know that's where he wants me to get back to. I have my ups and downs and it is a struggle everyday. Not a second goes by that I do not miss or think about him. I love him, and forever will.

I hold this E.E. Cummings poem close to my heart